Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
