I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
