Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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