Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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