Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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