I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
