Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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