just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
