my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
