Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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