3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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