I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
