I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
