what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
