Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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