I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
