drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
