he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
