I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
