kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
