in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
It's official drugs can't kill me
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
