honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
