I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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