I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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