fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
