Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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