$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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