I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
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After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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