I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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