i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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