I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back