in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
