The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Is Oprah even human
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.