the condom got lost in my hair
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.