didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
