i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
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I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
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So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.