Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I am mentally ready for anal.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
