Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed