these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
I dont know to explain this.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!