yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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