She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
