someone threw a dead crab at me
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
