I don't usually arrange sex via text message
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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