There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
