You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
