walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
