im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.