I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
