would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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