Only a mothe r could love this liver
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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