Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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