What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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