I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize