The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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