you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
