My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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