Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
