I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
