She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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