I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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