is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize