There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
