i permit you to call me
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
