Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
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