You're a womanizer and a bitch.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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