i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
