theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
