Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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