im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I stole a fireplace last night.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
