Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
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Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
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The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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