I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
