Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
