Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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