I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
